relax.....

I feel like chaos and confusion has taken over my life again. Take a deep breath, imagine calming sound of the ocean and palm trees blowing in the wind.

I need to de-clutter and de-stress my life, but the thought of that even seems overwhelming. I know having four kids means that there is always going to be a lot on my plate, but I feel like all these things are swallowing me up right now.

I know what I need to do, but slowing down and taking the time to do it seems impossible.

It's Austin's 6th birthday today, and the pinewood derby in scouts for Sivai, plus we're leaving for Cedar City tomorrow.

The picture of Sivai is my favorite picture from the trip. It's a moment of pure joy and beauty. He was so excited to get on the ferry to the Savaii and see his birth family and foster family. I wish we could be caught up in this moment forever. I had a lot of spontaneous outbursts of emotion on this trip and this was one of them, I could feel through him a sense of coming home, a return to something he didn't know he missed.

Amelia at the splash park, she loves the water.

The kids and I took a trip to KS to visit my parents and my grandparents. We swam, went hunting, watched Keely at 4-H and the boys did a lot of riding the 4-wheeler at the feedlot.
We shot a total of 8 eight rabbits on our hunt, Austin was a natural and Lily got had a blast.

Marina holding Derek, and Richard, three of the Tagaloa's children.

This is the backyard of Taafaga and Vale Tagaloa. They live on the church compound of Pesega where the church school and the temple are located. When we adopted Sivai and I was required to stay for four weeks longer than scheduled this is where I spent most of my time. At that time they were not allowed to have large gardens in their backyards so it was just grass, seeing it all in garden is an improvement that really helps the families provide for themselves.

It was home, I felt safe and loved and taken care of there. They shared so freely what little they had. The Tagaloa's have 9 children, one adopted. But there is usually more than that living there, they are always taking in cousins and providing for them while they attend the church school.

I would spend my days sitting in the back yard eating dozens of mango's and bananas, talking with Vale and her kids and trying to stay cool. The little shack in the picture is their outdoor kitchen. They have a regular kitchen in their house but it's too expensive for them to be running the stove, and they prefer to cook outside. Most Samoans cook outside.

The Dotson's and the Tagaloa's are family. Vale helped Patricks' mom on their mission, she healed her through love so that Maralyn was able to stay and finish her mission. I don't think anyone can understand the complete difference of being in Samoa unless you have been there. It's a hard place to be when you feel like you're only surviving. I'm glad that I was able to embrace Samoa and look past the heat and the smells and some of the primitive ways. It was all part of who my son is and what Samoa is, and in some ways a way of life that is so much simpler and uncomplicated, I yearn for this way of life.